You want me to like Spider man and action men. Ifyou knew the truth, you would not love me. You would think that I was afreak. That the devil himself was in me. I cannot live without you andDad loving me. At school they tease me already. They don't like the fact that I havelong hair and that I am not that strong. They don't think that I amnormal. They call me faggot and sissy. I am not normal. I do not knowwhat is wrong with me. Did God put me in the wrong body? Did God make amistake? Is the devil really in me? Sometimes at night, I take one of mysisters Barbies. I lie with the Barbie and look at her. I think does shehave a boy in her body, or was she a boy? Because she has no privates. Icry myself to sleep. This is nearly every night. I hate that I am notnormal. I hate that every day more and more people are finding out. Thisis why I have to say goodbye to this world.Mom, remember that time when I woke up and wet my briefs. I hid in thetoilet and wouldn't come out. I hid the briefs.. Do you realize how you have changed in just the past few weeks? How passive you have become?”“Well, Cathy’s need will change that.”“Will it? Well?”I did not answer. When I started making a sandwich, Mary pushed me away from the counter and took my head in her hands.“It is the power, Davy. You cannot ignore it. You have the power simply from your brain and personality and wealth, simply from your maleness. You have it even if you do not ever find the formula. With the formula, you have greater power over Andy and me and 3,000 others. You need to face it and conquer it.”“What do you mean?”“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I mean.” She kissed me and walked away, leaving me with cold cuts and a cold feeling.I knew what she meant. I realized I had been passive, lazy, not pressing for the formula, not using the power I already had. The problem was me. For example, Mary had said how much she liked to be bound, how she enjoyed being taken. Had I? I mean, when she said it, it made me.
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